So, here’s a breakdown of today, mental health wise. I wasn’t terribly concerned about forgetting to get one of my antidepressants filled going into the weekend. A few days would be bearable. However, this morning, when I was actually able to feel sadness drove home the point of how much even a few days might mean. I’ve still been taking the other two and they are substantial dosages. Just feeling anything was glorious, as emotional response is no longer the norm with my full meds. My mind was clear enough to be able to write a decent amount as well. What I was not expecting was the world to come come crashing down so spectacularly.
It was random and sudden. My stomach felt heavy and felt as though it had dropped. Hunger may have been a factor as I became ravenous shortly thereafter. In the span of a few minutes I went from okay to ready to die. Mind you, this wasn’t a suicidal episode. There is a distinct difference as anyone who has been there can attest to. It was a significant depressed episode immediately followed by a desire to no longer exist. One chink in the armor and months of stress and worry all hit home at once. I started feeling anger and persecution, as though no one could ever understand this and was deliberately neglectful of my existence. I could say more, but this does rather sum it up.
Well, I passed out for about an hour in the chair and sleep is often the ultimate reset button. I feel considerably better, but know that it is a knife edge to balance on and need to go to bed soon.
As always, thank you for stopping by, I appreciate you. Come back some other time for terrible poetry and fiction, but, please, be kind to yourselves, darlings.
And I’m glad to know that you made it through, as I call it, “one of my turns” (pink Floyd reference). Yeah I agree about sleep being a reset button.
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