This is depression. This is anxiety. This is two consecutive days off anxiety attacks. This is suicidal ideation. This is my reality. This is what I can no longer hide. This is now, and always has been, my life.
Mental Health: A Day in the Life
Mental Health: Almost a Human
A week or so ago I feel asleep without taking my meds and that night messed me up for several days. Strangely, though, I have since been able to focus better at work. Home? Not so much. There is still more than I can manage at work, but I am making progress. A tweet I... Continue Reading →
Quiet Dreams: Early Morning Thoughts
Well, my vacation has officially started. It's only the second time I have actually set aside time for one as well. I have no clue what all will be done in the next two weeks apart from writing and possibly going to the coffee shop. House cleaning certainly needs to occur, though. Ever since my... Continue Reading →
Mental Health: Stress
When you are having troubles stemming from mental illness stress does not add well to the mix. I've never slept well, but lately i've gone back to waking repeatedly through the night. I am not falling asleep standing upright (much...no, seriously, I've been known for that), but I spend the day struggling to process everything.... Continue Reading →
Mental Health: Scattered Thoughts
I did not realize there was a spam folder on this account until last week or so. I went through and approved all those that didn't look like spam, but I couldn't tell for certain on some. If you left a comment and I didn't approve it, I am sorry for that. I greatly appreciate... Continue Reading →
Mental Health: Human Wreckage
This was not a good day. There were events at work that triggered a massive and lengthy anxiety attack that worsened as I realized mistakes that I had made. Holding up well under the pressure was insufficient and the sense of unease grew. I felt as though a cardiac event were occurring. My mind was... Continue Reading →
Mental Health: Rollercoaster
It's weird having emotions bottled up, especially when dealing with depression, mania, and anxiety. I can still feel the changes, but they are suppressed, ready to explode under too much pressure. The suicidal ideation (different from thoughts and tendencies, mind you...calm down) is still present, but dulled. The doctor increased my meds a while back... Continue Reading →
Mental Health: Blithely stumbling along, blind and weary
I am often confused. It is rather common these days for someone to make a comment, particularly a joke, and I just stand still trying to piece it all together. There are many things that still occur on automatic, such as driving (I've always been a paranoiac, defensive driver), but in serious cogitation, things aren't... Continue Reading →
Mental Health: Strange Emotions
My medications have, rather suddenly, stopped being effective. In the last month I have had multiple crippling anxiety attacks the like of which have been unknown to me for longer than I can recall. Last week I began a depressive state that almost caused me to leave work early. What really drove it home, though,... Continue Reading →
Mental Health: Trigger Warning might be needed
I didn't apply for the open position at work. I alarmed a number of people with a massive anxiety meltdown last week. I think my meds are failing or I am slipping into stronger depressed and anxious episodes. Suicide ideation has been re-visiting me lately. I dislike the fact that a gun has been left... Continue Reading →
Quiet Dreams 